Atomic Buffalo Turds (ABTs)

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With a name like “Atomic Buffalo Turds” you know you’re in for something a little extra special.  The mental imagery alone brings a whole new experience to this favorite dish. The Atomic Buffalo Turd also goes by the perceived classier moniker “ABT” which can be employed in mixed company and delivered with a wink or subtle nod; The secret handshake of inappropriate things.  Of course, knowing when to audibly refer to the spicy morsels as the full name or the abbreviation comes with the experience of many failed social experiments.  These failed experiments have enabled us to speak with authority on the topic.  That is why we are going to take a quick exit ramp and tour a sparsely visited topic here on tEGGsty – etiquette.   Buckle up and enjoy the ride.

“Atomic Buffalo Turds” or “ABTs”: A consideration of etiquette

Just so we’re clear – taking etiquette advice from us might be akin to taking singing lessons from Milli Vanilli but as writers of the people we feel the topic must be broached for the good of the masses.  Far be it from us to give any sort of etiquette advice for table manners or how to speak in mixed company but one must tread lightly considering the gravity and subtle nuances at play.  As a rule of thumb, it is better to refer to these delicious green, bacon wrapped, nuggets as “ABTs” when in the presence of children or unknown guests.  One “best practice approach” is to default to only using “ABT” over the bawdy alternative.  The abbreviation “ABTs” is so soft and bland it will be sure to slide across the ears of everyone in the room in a way that no one will remember it.  Like a lullaby to a sleeping baby.   Surely this is the safe, conservative approach to ensure no boats are tipped.

“Atomic Buffalo Turds” or “ABTs”: Risk v. Reward.

But if safe, conservative and steadfast boats were what you were going for – then you probably would have just made a salad for this party.  So how do you remain sensitive to the group while flying the “Atomic Buffalo Turds” banner?  Let’s face it – you need to be able to use the phrase “Atomic Buffalo Turds” no matter how mixed the group is.  The name is one of the spiciest ingredients in the recipe and it would be a shame to leave it on the sideline with your dignity.

How to remain crowd sensitive AND use “Atomic Buffalo Turds”

The answer: be asked to say it. Overuse “ABTs”. Say it often and enunciate each letter every time.  Slow your pace of speaking and increase the volume of your voice slightly.  Draw attention to the abbreviation. Hang it like a carrot from a stick in front of the curious crowd.   The human mind loves puzzles – so let nature take its course.  When guests are squinting as they scramble in their minds to decode the hidden message prepare your stage – it’s only a matter of time.

The Inevitable Question

“What does ‘ABTs’ stand for?”  That is the sound of the victory cry.   Today belongs to you and the time has come to raise your banner.   Answer the question with the confidence of a victorious war general. You have successfully navigated the minefield of socially acceptable behavior and subtle nuance while laying the blame of the “T” word at the feet of the inquisitive knowledge gatherer who never considered that perhaps an abbreviation was used for a reason. Your efforts to remain considerate and appropriate will be recognized by the other guests.

This concludes our sidebar on etiquette.   You’re welcome.  You may now collect your tissues and gather yourself.    Feel free to place your finger on the screen right here -> <- so as not to lose your spot before moving on.

Method

For today’s preparation of Atomic Buffalo Turds on the Big Green Egg we are adapting the Texan Smoking BBQ recipe.  It hits on all of the major points and leaves little to be desired.  They call it the “Bacon Wrapped Stuffed Jalapeños aka Atomic Buffalo Turds”   so you can see that if your confidence waivers on how to formally introduce these wonderful party bombs in mixed company you have plenty of options.

Preparation

The toughest part of this recipe is all of the work done ahead of the cooking.  This is a fantastic recipe to prepare ahead of time to impress.  You could knock the prep work out days in advance of a large get together and let the ingredients hang out in the fridge until game day if that suits you.

  • ~10 medium Jalapeno peppers.
  • 1 bar (~8 oz.) Philly cream cheese
  • 1 16 oz. package of bacon.
  • 3 Tbs. of our 1 handed dry rub (BBQ seasoning)
  • Some leftover pulled pork from a previously awesome smoke of yours

Set up your BGE for an indirect cook with the cooking grid atop the platesetter and preheat to 350°.  Add a few chunks of hickory wood for smoke.

Wearing gloves to protect your delicate phalanges – slice the stems off the jalapeños then slice the jalapeños in half.  remove all of the seeds (of course you could leave a few seeds in there for a little extra heat should you desire to do so.)

Next – mix the cream cheese and cheddar cheese in a bowl.  It’s like a cheese party.  Add the cayenne pepper and mix until thoroughly integrated.

Take the cheese mixture and spread it into each sliced jalapeño half. Sprinkle most of the bbq seasoning on top.

Take some of that delicious left over pulled pork and nestle it deep in the cheese mixture.

Next slice your bacon strips in halves and wrap the jalapeños all the way from the top to the bottom ensuring you have secured the cheese and the pulled pork.  Secure the bacon with a toothpick.

Place the ABTs on the grill and allow to cook for 15 minutes.  Then flip and cool for another 15 minutes.   At this point you can check to see if the bacon is done to your liking and, if it is, pull and let cool for 5 minutes.

Serve hot.   You win.

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